why i refuse to take all the blame (or all the credit)

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January 17, 2016 by Ellen V

A friend posted something on Facebook the other day… something about how we create picky eaters, kids are simply not born disliking foods, blah, blah, blah, I couldn’t even read it all.

Why must we live in a place that either says, “Yes, I take all the credit for my wonderfully behaved child/awesome sleeper/great eater, because I worked so hard and this was important to me and I’m a good parent” OR says “I had nothing to do with it, they were just born this way.”

Look, I’ve got issues, my kids have issues. No one is blameless, no one is perfect.

Jane and Sidney are both wonderful sleepers. They take solid naps and have slept through the night since a few months old. We encouraged these good habits, of course–we protect their naps and bedtimes, we were perfectly okay with some crying to learn self-soothing bedtime habits. But, you know what? They also clearly like their sleep. They never fought us hard. They don’t need a lot of help, and they never have. Neither Eric nor I would claim their sleep is a product of our hard work, but rather a combination of good luck and encouraging good behavior.

Jane is a terribly picky eater. Did I make her that way? I don’t know. I let her eat chicken nuggets, so yes? But also, we don’t give her 17 options or force her to eat things she doesn’t like. So maybe she’s just picky? Sidney loves food. She loves almost all food. If she’s not eating, her teeth are bothering her, no other reason.

Let’s just keep doing our best, okay? Helping each other? I think our kids will mostly turn out okay, in spite of us.